MIDDLE EAST CONFLICT MADE EASY... MAYBE (part 3/3)

Obviously, read these in the right order (start with part 1). Due to the nature of the blog, more recent posts appear first...

To completely understand the situation leading up to the present day, first we must consider the events that led up to it. The following is a timeline of the first Gulf War.

1990

Saddam Hussein declares oil production by neighbouring Kuwait “economic warfare”, and also accuses the country of stealing oil from Iraqi oil fields.

100,000 Iraqi troops invade Kuwait, initiating the Gulf War.

1991

Despite warnings from America to withdraw, Hussein’s forces continued to occupy Kuwait.

Iraqi forces also attempt to invade Saudi Arabia, but are repelled by local armed forces.

Operation ‘Desert Storm’ is launched. American, British and French troops (aka; the Coalition) attack Hussein’s forces.

Coalition forces liberate Kuwait. Iraq surrenders, but Saddam Hussein is allowed to remain leader of Iraq.

Although most Coalition troops return home, several thousand American soldiers remain in Saudi Arabia, under the name Operation ‘Southern Watch’.

Terrorism in Saudi Arabia is unleashed by radical Islamic fighters. Their targets include foreign civilians—mainly Westerners affiliated with its oil-based economy—as well as Saudi civilians and security forces.

So, why did America’s presence in Saudi Arabia anger Bin Laden? Since Saudi Arabia houses the holiest sites in Islam — Mecca (where the prophet Muhammed was born) and Medina (where he is buried) — many Muslims felt the American presence there was insulting and degrading to their beliefs.

1997

Tony Blair becomes Prime Minister of Britain.


2000

George W Bush becomes the President of America.

Till this point Bin Laden,who has since founded Al Qaeda and committed numerous acts of terrorism (already earning him a place in America's 'Most Wanted'), still remained a largely unheard of figure. All that changed in 2001...

2001

On September the 11th, 19 terrorists (members of Al Qaeda, and under the instruction of Bin Laden), hijack 2 civilian planes and intentionally fly them into the Twin Towers / World Trade Centre. Close to 3000 people die. 17 of the 19 hijackers were from Saudi Arabia.

Anthrax attacks kill 5 and infect 17 others by spores released in New York, Boca Raton, Florida, and Washington D.C. in the United States.

George W Bush declares "War on terror". Conflict in Afghanistan begins, including Operation ‘Active Endeavour’, designed to prevent the movement of terrorists or weapons of mass destruction.

Tony Blair states that the intelligence on Iraq's possession of WMDs was "beyond doubt", and that evidence exisits to tie Saddam Hussein to Osama Bin Laden.

For the second time, America and Britain go to war against Iraq.


2003

Anti-war groups across the world publicly protest against war with Iraq. About 36 million people across the globe take part in almost 3,000 protests.

President George W. Bush, justifying the war in Iraq, refers to it as "the central front in the War on Terror”.

Saddam Hussein is found and captured by U.S. forces. No evidence was ever obtained to indicate the production of WMDs, or of a possible link between Hussein and Bin Laden.


2004

The United States government, led by the Central Intelligence Agency's Special Activities Division, begins a series of on-going attacks on targets in northwest Pakistan. These attacks sought to defeat the Taliban and Al Qaeda militants who were thought to have found a safe haven in Pakistan.


2005

July 21st, the London bombings kill over 50 people and injure 700 more. The explosions occurred around midday at Shepherd's Bush, Warren Street and Oval stations on London Underground, and on a bus in Shoreditch. A fifth bomber dumped his device without attempting to set it off.

In a videotaped message aired on Arab television station Al Jazeera,  Al Qaeda state that they had the "honour" of carrying out the attacks.


2006

Following his capture in 2003, the trial of Saddam took place under the Iraqi interim government. Saddam was convicted of war crimes and sentenced to death by hanging.

Saddam's ignoble death was later leaked onto the Internet, recorded via a hidden mobile phone.



I feel that I should point out that Saddam was no more or no less guilty of war crimes on this occasion than he was after loosing the first Gulf War- yet on that occasion he was allowed to remain in power, and on this occasion he was condemned to death.

Again, no evidence was ever obtained to indicate the production of WMDs, or of a possible link between Hussein and Bin Laden.

Tony Blair, suffering backlash for his role in the Iraq war and allegations of misleading Parliament, steps down as Prime Minister.

2008

Barak Obama becomes the American President.


2009

Obama announces the deployment of an additional 30,000 military personnel to Afghanistan


2010

David Cameron and Nick Clegg become the new leaders of Britain.

The Iraq Inquiry (also referred to as the Chilcot Inquiry) is launched to investigate Britain's involvement in Iraq. It covered the run-up to the conflict, the subsequent military action and its aftermath with the purpose to establish the way decisions were made, to determine what happened and to identify lessons to ensure that in a similar situation the same does not pass in future.

Testifying before the Iraq Inquiry, Tony Blair said of Saddam, in light of the evidence that Saddam neither supported Bin Laden or possessed WMDs, was a "monster and I believe he threatened not just the region but the world."

Obama announces that the United States combat mission in Iraq is over.


2011

Osama Bin Laden is shot and killed during a raid by United States Navy Seals on his secret base in Pakistan.

2012 / the present day...

So far as I can see it, the official line for why NATO soldiers continue to fight in the Middle East is “a continued effort to bring freedom and democracy to the struggling countries of Iraq and Afghanistan”, all while being attacked by small pockets of resistance, comprised of the remnants of Hussein’s old army, and the remaining Taliban and Al Qaeda terrorists.

Well, that's my attempt to explain the present situation in the Middle East.

Hardly a barrel of laughs, but hopefully it was instructive...

Your thoughts, please? Am I 'off base'? Do tell... 

MIDDLE EAST CONFLICT MADE EASY... MAYBE. (part 2/3)

In this, part 2 of my king-sized explanation about the Middel East conflict, I'll adress (in brief) the key elements. This is intended as a 'beginers guide' of sorts, and so will refrain from in-depth explations on politics and history...

THE REGIMES

Al Qaeda; translates roughly as ‘The Base’, Al Qaeda is a global Islamist terrorist organisation founded by Osama Bin Laden (between 1988 and 1989, origins traceable to the Soviet War). It calls for a global Jihad and a strict interpretation of Sharia Law (characterised by religious intolerance and the oppression of women’s rights).

 

NATO; stands for; North Atlantic Treaty Organisation. It’s a collective of different countries across the globe, of which America and Britain are both a part of, which steps into foreign conflicts in order to defend the innocent.

 

Taliban; an Islamic fundamentalist militant movement. It ruled large parts of Afghanistan and its capital, Kabul, as the Islamic Emirate of Afghanistan from September 1996 until October 2001. It gained diplomatic recognition from three states: Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, and the United Arab Emirates. The Taliban were originally assembled and financed by the Pakistani military as a covert way of attacking their enemies.

 

Note 1; while the Taliban and Al Qaeda do have some significant ties, they are NOT the same organisation, and have separate goals.

Note 2; A 15 year old girl was recently shot in the head while campaigning for women's rights against Sharia Law. http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-19908409

 

THE LEADERS

The following is a list of the most important and influential figures, past and present, in the Middle Eastern conflict.

Barak Obama; current American President.

 

David Cameron & Nick Clegg; current joint-leaders of Great Britain, both from different political parties but serving together as a ‘coalition’.

George W Bush; the previous American President, was in power when America declared ‘war on terror’.

Osama Bin Laden; founding leader of Al Qaeda (now deceased, killed during an American raid).Osama actually started his career as a top-agent for the American CIA, before becoming motivated by his belief that  American foreign policy oppressed, killed, or otherwise harmed Muslims in the Middle East. Osama was the mastermind responsible for the destruction of the World Trade Centre, along with numerous other mass-casualty attacks against civilian and military targets.

Saddam Hussein; former president of Iraq (now deceased, executed for war crimes), against whom America and Great Britain later went to war- suspecting him of affiliation with Osama Bin Laden and of stockpiling WMDs (weapons of mass destruction).  

 

 

Tony Blair; previous Prime Minister of Great Britain, was in power when America first declared ‘war on terror’.

 

Note 3; evidence now proves there was never a "collaborative relationship" between Iraq and Al Qaeda, and nor did Saddam Hussein actually possess any WMDs. 

Note 4; despite ordering the invasion and looting of neighbouring Kuwait in 1990 (leading to his defeat in the first Golf War by NATO forces), Saddam was not stripped of his rule, even though he was widely condemned for the brutality of his dictatorship

 

THE PLACES

Afghanistan; a region of the Middle East, and base of operations for the Taliban.

America

Britain

Iraq; a region of the Middle East, ruled over by the dictator Saddam Hussein.

Pakistan; although this country is chiefly responsible for financing and initially training Al Qaeda, Pakistan cut its associations with the terrorist group after their attack on the World Trade centre to avoid the oncoming wrath of America.

Saudi Arabia; One of the largest regions in the Middle East, it also has the world's second largest oil reserves which are concentrated largely in the Eastern Province. Oil accounts for more than 95% of exports and 70% of government revenue.

 

 

Note 4; since the end of WW2, Britain and America entered into (what politicians are referring to as) a “Special Relationship”. This essentially means that whenever one country enters into a war, the other must offer its full support.

MIDDLE EAST CONFLICT, MADE EASY... MAYBE... (part 1/3)

So, my girlfriend and I watched Redacted. For those of you in-the-know you’ll understand this probably wasn’t the best date movie I could have picked. For those of you who aren't familiar with the film, it’s about a squad of soldiers, who while on active duty in Iraq, are involved in the rape of a 14 year old girl and the murder of her family (a lot like Oliver Stone's other film Casualties Of War). It wasn’t a particularly nice experience.

Anyway, after the film, the topic of the war itself came up. Now, she won’t mind me mentioning this (I hope), but my girlfriend is a self-confessed 'news-avoider'; she has no interest in following current events because they either scare or confuse her. Sadly, I think most people feel the same way, whether they admit this or not is another thing. So, during this conversation, I tried to explain (from my own limited knowledge) what was going on. The explanation seemed satisfactory.

 

Now, I have this friend... I won’t name them, because it’s both unfair and unprofessional, but they are going through a tough time at the moment because their partner is currently serving in the Middle East. It’s obviously a sensitive subject, and although it’s tough on my friend she copes well. However, I overheard her explaining to someone else about the war (and the reasons for the war itself), and I was staggered by how inaccurate her information was.

Now, the following article is NOT aimed at my unnamed friend. I want to make that part perfectly clear., I'm not being an insensitive dick. However, that overheard exchange is partly responsible for my reasons for writing this. I rarely talk politics or current affairs, largely because I’m not politically minded, and secondly because what I do understand makes me very sad and very angry. Instead, I choose to bury myself in fiction. This article is my way of making sense of a very complicated chapter in our lives, and hopefully what I write here may stop other people making misguided remarks and harbouring uninformed opinions.

WE SHOULD ALL UNDERSTAND WHY WE ARE FIGHTING! How can we, as a country, remain largely ignorant to why our people are fighting and dying overseas. I'm not talking about fucking conspiracy theories here, I mean we should at least understand the basic situation- and sadly, most of us don't, maybe not even the poor bastards signing-up. That's the angry portion of this post over with...

What I write here, I do so with as little bias or personal opinion as possible (unlike every other post on here), I’m simply relating the facts, as I see them. I am not trying to be entertaining, well, maybe a little; I'm not writing a text book and I'm not your teacher. If I’m wrong, call me on it. However, please don’t use this as a forum for personal perspectives. I don’t mind people having an opinion, no matter how much I may disagree, so long as it’s based on something factually accurate. Don’t have an opinion if you don’t actually have a fucking clue about something.

 



As you've probably noticed, this is only part 1, which acts as a look at the reasons for me getting onto my 'politicle soap box'. Part 2 of this thread will look at the key regimes, leaders and locations relevant to a simple understanding of the conflict, while part 3 will offer an explanation of events. There will also be pictures and maps on occasion.

The tone of the following is not intended to be patronising, simply it assumes the reader to have no prior understanding on the subject.

 

“IF PAC-MAN HAD AFFECTED US AS KIDS..."

Contd "...We'd all be running around in dark rooms, munching pills and listening to repetitive electronic music!”
Marcus Brigstoke. 

A bit of a change from the norm here, today we're going to talk about games...



I’m one of the few males I know who doesn’t own a console. Really. The last console I owned was an Xbox, not even an Xbox 360. I’m married, so I’m not allowed one. Actually, I did own a Wii, but that hardly counts. I rarely have a chance for gaming, so I don’t miss it (often).

Anyway, I got to thinking about my childhood recently (now having a child of my own), and reminisced about all the times my parents would play computer games with me; well, my mum would watch the ones that had a story, while my dad would actually play. Back then, games could be pretty tough, not like these days where any idiot with enough time can complete them. More importantly, games were very, very addictive; without the perk of realistic graphics, games needed to rely on actually being fun. Sure, we may now have Arkham City and Modern Warefare, but few games of the last decade can compete with the ‘old timers’ for enjoyment and challenges…

Or does it just feel that way, now I’m a 30 year old? A child of the early 80’s who thinks of 1993 as being just 10 years ago. Someone who still thinks Jurassic Park is fairly recent… You decide. Anyway, here’s a list of some of my favourite games, as played on my trusty Amiga or my Commodore 64 (and on one occasion the PlayStation One).

If you’re old like me, enjoy the walk down memory lane. If you’re sickeningly young, have a laugh at what us oldies used to do for fun (hey, it beats self-harm). I’ve even provided a few You Tube links to sample the software, as it were.

Alien 3

(Amiga) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Ge5vZN_DiU

A tough game, where you play a gun-toting sort-of-Ripley through a hybrid platform world comprised of the previous films (so not technically accurate). Not impossible though, as when you learnt where the aliens re-spawned you could get enough shots off in good time, and you can learn by repetition where the hostages are being held. Probably one of the better film-tie-ins of its day.

Alien Breed; 1992 edition

(Amiga) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jFqtJLZ7SsU

Back before there were any official Alien games (of any consequence that is), Alien Breed was as close as I got to pretending to be a Colonial Marine in the film Aliens. Unfortunately, I never had the skill to complete this game without cheats, not sure I knew anyone who did. Who could forget the absolute frustration of realising you’d run out of keys and couldn’t actually reach the end of the level? All you had to look forward to was death-by-teeth when you used up your last bullets.

Barbarian 2

(Commodore 64) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZT6o122yOPY

Being a growing boy with ‘issues surrounding social interaction’, any game with gore was a promising prospect for me. Barbarian 2 was pretty basic, but it was bloody satisfying when you managed to land a decapitating blow on your enemies. The difficulty was set pretty high from level one, but it didn’t really get any harder.

Beneath A Steel Sky

(Amiga) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSJrPybzzfo

One of my all-time favourite games, a point-and-click adventure by the team who later bought us the awesome Broken Sword franchise, and the artist behind the Watchmen graphic novel. It was gripping, exciting, sometimes shocking (Anita, no!) and darkly funny, and provided me with hours and hours of play. Unfortunately, almost half that time was comprised of loading between screens, and coming on 15 floppy disks- that’s a lot of loading. Never completed it on the Amiga, but managed to track down a copy recently that played on the PC and finally put that nagging thorn-in-my-side to rest. Still holds up well today.

Cabal

(Commodore 64) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IQnHAr0yLvY

The first game I ever loved. Basically you play Arnold Schwarzenegger from Commando (or Stallone from Rambo, whichever your preference), and you need to blow away an oncoming army of ‘not-Russians’. Basically a fore-runner to the likes of Modern Warefare. Well, sort of.

Cannon Fodder

(Amiga) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Ob73lgvE0M

Simple. Addictive. Violent. Funny. Who could ever forget: ‘war, never been so much fun’? The names were a touch of genius, and it was easy to form attachments to the veteran members of your squad, and heart-breaking when they died! Jools and Jops FTW! What I didn’t realise till years later is that you could actually heal the soldiers who took a bullet but didn’t die, the ones that laid on their back screaming in agony. I always used to get upset at their suffering and give them the ol’ mercy shot. Oops.

Chaos Engine

(Amiga) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pm-X8zmxpns

Like Alien Breed, this was another top-down shooter, except the difficulty was cranked all the way to ‘fucking ludicrous’. I did get good, but never anywhere near able to complete it. An appealing novelty was the idea of selecting different characters, whose weapons and speed handled differently during gameplay. Catchy techno music too.

Flashback

(Amiga) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EauQflxrZH0

One of the first games I remember playing that featured a coherent plot (a cross between Total Recall and Invasion Of The Body Snatchers), or cut-scenes between the action. Realistic motion-captured movements added to the cinematic quality. Very influential. I even managed to complete this one!

Ghosts & Goblins

(Commodore 64) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkgsA01gJvQ

The hardest game I have ever played! Seriously. It looked cute and child-friendly, but by Christ it was hard- probably the hardest game ever made. Many a new gamer will disagree with that last comment, they will probably tell me "no way, Demon Souls is much harder than that piece of shit". To them, I reply "no save points or continues here, pussies!"

It Came From The Dessert

(Amiga) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YE41rtQZofY

This was an odd little game; part point-and-click adventure, part text adventure, part shooter, part platformer. It was basically a 50’s ‘giant-ant’ style B-movie plot, filled with mini-games. Interestingly, it was time-frame dependent, meaning you needed to be at certain locations of the map to discover certain clues and witness certain events to complete the game. I got as far as getting a plane together, along with a scientist with some chemical that would kill the ants, but I could never work out where the hell the nest was! I would be the last human in town left alive; driving around the town centre in a tank till either I ran out of shells or fuel. One could easily argue that a game like this is in the genetic make-up of games like Fahrenheit and Heavy Rain.

Lemmings

(Amiga) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3hVql1LkX18

Everyone knows Lemmings, surely. Again, I couldn’t get through all the levels, but it was still fun. After a hard day, I used to let off steam by trapping all the creatures together and hitting the ‘self-destruct’ button. Blue little buggers!

Monkey Island

(Amiga) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oyEpNie-7pY&feature=related

Another funny point-and-click game, about a looser who dreams of becoming a great pirate, similar in tone to the first Pirates Of The Caribbean film, with a dash of Naked Gun. I did complete this game, but I was a fair bit older when I started playing this.

Moonstone

(Amiga) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1lbCWqiqyk&feature=related

Another gory game, this played like Golden Axe or Streets Of Rage, except with blood-spilling on a level akin to Monty Python's Holy Grail. Characters would have to cut a bloody trail through their enemies while searching for magical keys to save the kingdom (or something like that). Never saw the game completed because my copy would always crash during the final battle, but the fun to be had here was in multiplay; you and three friends could play this in turns, either working together to search the map or by screwing eachother over in violent one-on-one combat!

Mortal Kombat 2

(Amiga) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDPq1RJXEqg

So, everybody knows Mortal Kombat, right? It’s been going on long enough. Could have mentioned the first game, except that for me this was the apex of the franchise’s history. All the best elements; a good control system, a varied cast (a big roster for its day with 12 characters) blood, brutality, fantasy, magic and monsters. Even on the  ‘very easy’ setting it was no picnic, and I had to rely on glitches and sneaky tactics to beat the 2 bosses, and I considered myself ‘pretty mustard’ agvainst human players…

North & South

(Amiga) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHcoemBuUZ0

A simulation of the tragic American Civil War, via an Astrix sensibility. You took it in turn to move your armies about the map, and during conflicts things begun to resemble a very basic Command & Conquer. Looked crap, but surprisingly addictive; very few things will give you a thrill akin to riding your brave cavalry against a loading cannon! You WILL here yourself shouting "charrrrrge!"

Resident Evil

(Playstation One) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pc7vnJ0O5LUent

I’ve still not completed this bloody game! I still have the save slot on my memory card, stuck in a safe room, next to an empty locker, 2 bullets left in my shotgun, and a house crawling with fucking Hunters (monstrous humanoids that want to make a donner kebab out of your face). Not a good reload point. And who could forget the porn-quality voice acting, or the heart pounding moment the first dog attacked you through the window? Truly an experience that redefined what a game could be, even if its many sequels became stale and repetitious…

Simon The Sorcerer

(Amiga) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WFKOmy1DDbY

Pretty much the same sort of experience as Monkey Island, only with a dash of Discworld thrown into the mix. You play a looser who wants to become (wait for it) a sorcerer. The puzzles were sometimes tedious, but the humour and graphics kept the game fresh and enjoyable.

Syndicate

(Amiga) Syndicat http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m4jQ2ZFvPVge

A strategic war game, where the player takes control of a shady organisation intent on taking over a Bladerunner-styled future world. You do this by way of a campaign of street-level warfare and conspiratorial subterfuge, such as assassination, abduction and mass-destruction. Sometimes frustrating, but always addictive. Also, it’s pretty cool to control a group of trench-coat clad killers, roaming the city, armed with sniper rifles and shotguns.

Worms

(Amiga) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQiimhYI-8c&feature=related

Hopefully, this is a game that requires no introduction. I fondly remember evenings after school, a room full of friends sat round the TV screen, passing the mouse from person to person, blowing shit up while listening to Guns N’ Roses or Iron Maiden. Ah, those were the days…

INCEPTION; Carlisle's Final Word.

"You remind me of someone... a man I met in a half-remembered dream. He was possessed of some radical notions."

Saito.

 

 

Script Logic; 1/2

Pace; 2/2

Acting; 2/2

Aesthetic; 2/2

Originality & Intention; 2/2

Score; 9/10

Final Word; sacrificing any sort of explanation for its plot-central technology may sound like a bad decision on paper, but is surprisingly one of the film’s many master strokes-so instead of having to explain away such a far fetched procedure (and thus ruining the audiences suspension of disbelief, as well as cranking up the run-time) Nolan uses that time to instead build on the characters and get to the spectacle. A blockbuster with brains, balls and explosions: what more could you dream of?

BLADE RUNNER, DIRECTOR'S CUT; Carlisle's Final Word.

"I need ya, Decks. This is a bad one, the worst yet. I need the old blade runner, I need your magic."

Bryant.
 

 

 

Script Logic; 1/2

 

Pace; 1/2

Acting; 2/2

Aesthetic; 2/2

Originality & Intention; 2/2

Score; 8/10
 

Final Word; ...
 
Another example of when this review template throws you a curve- ball. Yes the acting, the effects, and the world-building are all top-notch, but I really didn’t enjoy this film, and I realise (once again) that puts me in a minority. I found the film to be alienating and dull, which is strange in itself if you consider I’m a sucker for a good sci-fi, or a thoughtful film. Perhap's I'd feel more warmth if the film had retained it's laconic voice over- which leads onto the subject of all the different cuts there are of this film flying about these days... Honestly, how different can a film be for just a few different moments cut or included here-and-there? Surely it's the same overall experiance? It's like saying your whole holiday would have been a different if only you'd packed the red beach towle and not the blue, or saying "if only the water slide had another bend in it- that would have been soooooo much better!" You get either the same tan, or the same final splash, respectively.

Still, no denying Bladerunner's influence on almost every science fiction movie that followed it (another feather in the cap of Ridley Scott), so I guess it earns its points despite my reservations. Just goes to show you, a ‘good’ film isn’t always an ‘enjoyable’ one, and that even I have difficulty defending my preferences before the hard cold stare of logic.

ALIEN RESURECTION; Carlisle's Final Word.

"Hey, Ripley. I heard you, like, ran into these things before?"

Johner.

Script Logic; 0/2

Pace; 1/2

Acting; 1/2

Aesthetic; 2/2

Originality & Intention; 1/2

Score; 5/10

Final Word; The first nail in the coffin of the alien franchise. The few good moments of acting are horribly skewed by the duff performances, and the story is a complete mess (a suprise considering Joss Whedon bought us the sharply written Buffy and Firefly series)- and made even weaker for having to shoe-horn in the main character who was (spoiler) killed off during the climax of the previous film. Gone is the gritty genre-breaking realism of its predecessors, replaced by the brash comic-book sensibility of French dircetor Jeunet, and sinking in the process any chance of the film actually scaring. 'The trick, Potter', is to build on what has come before- don't shit all over it!

A horrible miss-fire, and the tipping point for a once great franchise; sure, Alien 3 could have been better, but a decent fourth offering could easily have recovered things. Instead, what do we have to show for the good times? The fucking brain-dead Aliens Vs Predator and the head-up-arse Promethius. Yes, I'm more than a little bit fucking bitter about this.

...And as if the film didn't have 'FAIL' stamped so boldly over it already, here's a little-known fact: with the release of Alien Ressurection, the Alien Trilogy became known as the Alien Saga, and later "Quadrilogy". Quadrilogy is not a real word. The word relating toa set of 4 is "Tetralogy".

ALIEN 3; Carlisle's Final Word.

"Let me see if I have this correct, Lieutenant - it's an 8-foot creature of some kind with acid for blood, and it arrived on your spaceship. It kills on sight, and is generally unpleasant. And of course, you expect me accept all this on your word?"

Andrews.

 

 

 

Script Logic; 1/2

Pace; 1/2

Acting; 2/2

Aesthetic; 2/2

Originality & Intention; 1/2

Score; 7/10

 

Final Word; A difficult film to review, and it needs to be said that after all the studio interference its miraculous that David Fincher managed to put together a film at all. The acting can’t be faulted (no matter how unlikable the characters), nor the sets or phisical effects, and the Alien itself has never looked better- a faster, nastier and leaner beast than before. Despite its unrelenting grimness and hotchpotch story, there is still much here to be admired, making this a curiously eccentric entry in the Alien saga.

ALIENS; Carlisle's Final Word.

"We'd better get back, 'cause it'll be dark soon, and they mostly come at night... mostly."

Newt.

Script Logic; 2/2

Pace; 2/2

Acting; 2/2

Aesthetic; 2/2

Originality & Intention; 2/2

Score; 10/10

Final Word; A sequel that’s actually better than the original, one that’s not content to simply re-tread the same old boards, this takes the series into a completely new direction (and sadly nothing to follow in the franchise came anywhere near these dizzying heights). Where Ridley Scott served up the shivers, James Cameron takes you on a thrill-ride, and the result is a perfect mix of action, horror and science fiction. Anything more I can add will only sound like the gushing of a die-hard fan-boy, and to the film's credit most of the physical effects have stood the test of time pretty well.

ALIEN; Carlisle's Final Word.

"I can't lie to you about your chances, but... you have my sympathies."

Ash.

 

 

Script Logic; 2/2

Pace; 1/2

Acting; 2/2

Aesthetic; 2/2

Originality & Intention; 2/2

Score; 9/10

Final Word; Ignore the fact that the look of the film is starting to show signs of dating, and consider the restrictions of the shoe-string budget and effects, and the film is nothing short of remarkable. Compare it to the cardboard scenery and rubber-masks of its peers (Star Trek, Doctor Who and Star Wars, A New Hope) and you have a truly believable world and an absolutely terrifying monster. Solid acting, and a sharp (if slow-burning) script that takes the standard ‘slasher’/ ‘3 Little Indians’ idea and transplants it into space. Genre defining and iconic.

SE7EN; Carlisle's Final Word

"Ernest Hemingway once wrote, 'The world is a fine place and worth fighting for.' I agree with the second part."

William Somerset.

Script Logic; 2/2

Pace; 2/2

Acting; 2/2

Aesthetic; 2/2

Originality & Intention; 2/2

Score; 10/10

Final Word; As a film, Se7en represents a flawless achievement (a very are thing), but it’s an incredibly tough film to watch. I’m sure everyone’s already seen this, but I’ll still hold back from revealing spoilers- surface to say, it’s a grim film with a sucker-punch ending that will stay with you for years to come. Another genre defining classic responsible for a string of knock-offs and pale imitations, which luckily have done nothing to diminish the film's achievements. Even to this day, the film feels contemporary.

THE MATRIX, RELOADED; Carlisle’s Final Word.

"Denial is the most predictable of all human responses."

The Architect.

Script Logic; 0/2

Pace; 1/2

Acting; 1/2

Aesthetic; 2/2

Originality & Intention; 0/2


Score; 4/10

Final Word; Christ, where did it all go so wrong? They had a perfect set-up to explore and a wealth of possibilities to mine, and we end up with this crap: a story that makes absolutely no sense and a bunch of tired, over-worked action scenes. A real disappointment and a slap in the face to any thinking fan. Not only was it a terrible film, but it somehow managed to make the first film less enjoyable.

THE MATRIX; Carlisle's Final Word.

"Stop trying to hit me and hit me."

Morphius.

Script Logic; 2/2

Pace; 1/2

Acting; 1/2

Aesthetic;2/2

Originality & Intention; 2/2


Score; 8/10

Final Word; For all the talk of ‘originality’, directors Andy and Lana Wachowski (formally the Wachowski Brothers, before one of them had a sex-change) do owe a debt of gratitude to a great many films and books, but the package is all its own. May seem cliché now, but its action scenes in particular were ground breaking. On the flip-side, now we’re stuck with a slew of knock-offs and every film these days seems to have an obligatory slow-mo moment. A rare film because even Keanu Reeve’s charisma-vacuum presence doesn’t sink it.

LAND OF THE DEAD; Carlisle’s Final Word.

“In a world where the dead are returning to life, the word "trouble" loses much of its meaning.”
Kaufman

 

Script Logic; 1/2

Pace; 1/2

Acting; 1/2

Aesthetic; 1/2

Originality & Intention; 2/2

Score; 6/10

Final Word; I didn’t expect much of this film before I watched it, and perhaps those low expectations led to me enjoying this strange little movie more than I otherwise would have...

Interestingly, the film stays clear of the usual early-days setting of popular zombie fodder and delves into the future- exploring the world that springs up as a result of the walking dead, all be it in a fairly surreal and comic-book sensitivity. Anyone familiar with Romero's work will understand his habbit for using film as a way to explore the trends of society, and with a set-up that includes the rich and wealthy safely living high above, while the poor are forced to survive on ground-level, the subtext here is neither as subtle or suprising as past efforts (that said, it's still enough to boil the blood of working class stiffs such as myself). Another thing worth pointing out is Romero’s obvious sympathies with the zombie population, never more apparent than in this film, where we are treated to something of a ‘zombie renascence’. The cast, including Dennis Hopper’s scenery chewing turn as a ruthless millionaire named Kaufman, deliver hit-and-miss performances, and the way in which the story unfolds is similarly scatter-shot, but the gore (when it arrives) is splatter at its best. Highlights include an arena where criminals are piutted against the undead, and the inevitable zombie attack climax. 

The overall effect is a film that all at once manages to be curiously sweet-natured and a warming tribute to straight-to-video 80’s apocalypse-trash the likes of Mad Max and Cyborg. Nice to finally see a modern horror that’s not driven by excess spite.

 

Also, the keen-eyed amongst you may notice the odd genre-cameo including the 2 chained zombies in the scene above. Any guesses as to who they are?