THE HUNGER GAMES; Carlisle's Final Word.

“They just want a good show, that's all they want.” 

Gale Hawthorne.

Script Logic; 1/2

Pace; 1/2

Acting; 1/2

Aesthetic; 1/2

Originality & Intention; 1/2

Final Score; 5/10

Just to be clear: I am not ‘down’ on the Hunger Games just because it’s popular.

I actually really enjoyed everything leading up to the games themselves; the satire on television and X-Factor style celebrity was both well observed and pensive. Shame then that the whole thing falls apart half-way through, descending into absurdity and contrivance.

The script has a number of very irritating plot flaws, even if you accept the surreal nature of the setting, and the majority of the acting from the younger cast is amateur at best. Jennifer Lawrence  as Katniss Everdeen alone seems able to act, although she looks far too well fed to convince as someone who routinely has to scavenge for food.*

The CGI is pretty weak, and looks as though it were created for a mid-range TV show, undermining the fantastical elements of the story. The violence is diluted and bloodless to the extent that the it ceases to be shocking very quickly- which is a major problem when you’re passing yourself off as a critic on violence and not just an adventure film- and without the strength of its own convictions the story has very little to say for itself. By taking the ‘safe’ and more palatable option, the film undermines its whole point, as if to say “yes, violence is bad, but here’s some we’ve edited so you can enjoy it”.

…And holographic mutant dogs is just plain stooo-pid.

*I do not mean Jennifer Lawrence is fat. It occurred to me that simple-minded teenagers (or, as I call them, Twilight fans- joke) might misconstrue what I said, so just to be clea; I only mean that it looks as though she has a healthy diet, and not that her character is on the brink of starvation. That is all.

THE WATCHMEN, Carlisle's Final Word.

“Never compromise. Not even in the face of Armageddon. That's always been the difference between us, Daniel.” 

Rorschach.

Script Logic; 2/2 

Pace; 1/2

Acting; 1/2

Aesthetic; 2/2

Originality & Intention; 1/2

Final Score; 7/10

There is much to be said for the Watchmen, both good and bad, so I think I’ll return with a longer post at a later point…

Watchmen is a difficult watch, especially for anyone not familiar with the original graphic novel- a complicated story set over three decades, involving a number of characters, all played out to the backdrop of Cold War politics and paranoia. Hardly sounds like a laugh, and one of the film’s problems is its grim and humourless subject (although it would seem unfair to hold that against a film for sticking close to its source). The adaption is, by and large, faithful, and manages to fit in its running time an impressive amount of backstory, which on the flip-side alienated a large part of the audience who struggled to keep up with the almost endless exposition.

The film ‘looks’ perfect, and I can’t imagine the characters bought to life in any better visual sense (contemporary yet always respectful to the original designs), and most are well cast.

Probably my biggest gripe with the film is its depiction of the heroes in their ability: The Watchmen novel went through great pains explaining that (with two notable exceptions) the heroes of the story were ‘real’ people with no superhuman abilities. So why, oh why, does Zack Snyder include so many slow-motion action scenes where the characters fight like coked-up Spartans?

Obviously I still need to address the fan-rage caused by the alteration of the book’s ending, but that will have to wait for now. What I will say is that, so far as the film’s narrative is concerned, it was a smart move.

In the end, The Watchmen is a flawed diamond; an act of slavish devotion to material once considered unfilmable, and in that respect this is an impressive success. Not one for fans of regular superhero fodder, but for anyone who likes their violence dark or gritty, and your narrative murky with thick chunks of moral theorizing, then this going to sustain you nicely…

BRAM STOKER'S DRACULA; Carlisle's Final Word.

“The Order of the Dracul, the Dragon. An ancient society, pledging my forefathers to defend the church against all enemies of Christ. Their relationship was not entirely... successful.” 

Dracula.

Script Logic; 1/2 

Pace; 1/2

Acting; 1/2

Aesthetic; 2/2

Originality & Intention; 2/2

Final Score; 7/10

First of all, I have to say, this film is a visual treat. Everything from the sets to the costumes, from the creature designs to the actors themselves; everything is just sooo fucking gorgeous. I can’t recall ever being so immersed in the ‘dressing’ as I am with this film, I doubt any other film has ever looked so deliberately impressive.

Moving on. While the likes of Gary Oldman and (sir) Anthony Hopkins shine gloriously, the film suffers with the thespian styling of Keanu Reeves (dear God, what were they thinking?) and Winona Ryder - whom I usually like, but here is about as convincing as a breeze block trying to sneak into a penguins-only nightclub… A beautiful breeze block at least.

Also worth pointing out, the film does stay more closely to Bram Stoker’s text than any of the previous incarnations of the character, with the notable exception of a ‘romantic tryst’ between the titular Count and his would-be victim Mina Harker. This particular dalliance was probably what paved the way for the ‘new-look’ vampire, the romantic yet forlorn night dwellers the likes of which populated the works of Anne Rice and countless other fictions...

For better or worse, we now have Twilight.

HANA; Carlisle's Final Word.

“I just missed your heart.” 
Hana.

Script Logic; 1/2

Pace; 0/2

Acting; 2/2

Aesthetic; 1/2

Originality & Intention; 0/2

Final Score; 4/10

So, another film which fails to live up to the hype? Who’d have thought?

Again, Saorise Ronan makes a memorable screen presence, but like The Lovely Bones before this, the film does little to do her justice (but I'm sure this little actress has great things ahead of her). The ever reliable Eric Bana and Cate Blanchette are on hand to give solid support as the doomed father-figure and villainess respectively, but all involved are let down by shoddy direction, a cheap feel and a yawn-inducing pace (as well as one of the most irritating on-screen families in cinema history).

Infuriatingly, the bare bones for a good film are in here somewhere…

 Kudos for an excellent soundtrack by the Chemical Brothers.

TWILIGHT; Carlisle's Final Word.

 "And the lion fell in love with the lamb." 

Edward Cullen.

 Script Logic; 1/2

Pace; 1/2

Acting; 1/2

Aesthetic; 1/2

Originality & Intention; 1/2

Final Score; 5/10

Just to be clear: I am not ‘down’ on Twilight just because it’s popular. I watched this with a very open mind (believe it or not).

Not scary enough to be a horror. Not romantic enough to be a romance. Not dramatic enough to be a drama. Not acted well enough to be a character piece. Not original enough to deserve its influential status- this story doesn’t have a single original or inventive idea to call its own, and anybody who’s even slightly interested in the vampire genre should know better. Not even a ‘Jack-of-all-trades’, more like a folded and dog-eared five-of-clubs. I’m not sure I understand how or why this is so popular, all I can surmise is that teenage girls these days are really fucking stupid, border-line mentally retarded (I’m not sure who should be most offended by that comparison), or just really thankful to have a film finally aimed at them that’s not released sorely on the Disney channel. It's not terrible, it's just not great either.

God, I despair. Someone call in Blade, or Buffy.