THE DIVIDE; Carlisle's Final Word.

"Ever see what happened to those poor Japanese bastards after we dropped Little Boy on Nagasaki? The skin melting off their bones. Faces like... Roadkill. Lucky ones died in the blast. And those kids in Chernobyl - Eyes and... Ears. Shit growing all over 'em. Tumors the size of grapefruits popping out of their necks."

Micky.

Script Logic; 0/2

Pace; 0/2

Acting; 2/2

Aesthetic; 1/2

Originality & Intention; 1/2

Final Score; 4/10

Final Word; A film with a terminally low opinion of humanity, whose only reason for existing seems to hammer that view home to its audience. Nothing wrong with hitting your viewers hard, but this doesn't really have anything to say. Instead, it feels more like the intentionally dour outlook of a grungy teenager who thinks he knows the fucking lot: this pretends to be a deep and damning indictment of the human condition but in reality it’s a very shallow and immature world view.

Perhaps even worse than that; it's staggeringly dull after an initially interesting set-up, and fails to tie-up any (any!) of its plot-related issues. Seriously. I'm not giving much away when I tell you the plot revolves around a group of survivers seeking shelter from nuclear fallout in the basment of an apartment block. Act one ends when a group of military-types in rad-suits invade the basment and abduct the child. Soon after, we discover the child has been dissected for what one can only assume to be some vile experiment. Do we ever find out who these people are? No. Why they took, and subsequently mutilated, the little girl? No. Is it even relevant to what follows in the next 2 hours? No. Instead, the survivors find themself sealed in the basement, whereby they all eventually surrender to violence, depravity, rape and murder.

Some interesting and naturalistic performances (especially from Michael Biehn, who's so good he's almost worth enduring the film for, but not quite) can't save this rather dull and pompous effort.

THE MUPPET CHRISTMAS CAROL; Carlisle's Final Word.

'He was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge: a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, clutching, covetous old sinner.'

Gonzo / Charles Dickens.

Script Logic; 2/2

Pace; 2/2

Acting; 2/2

Aesthetic; 2/2

Originality & Intention; 2/2

Final Score; 10/10

Final Word; Well, it's Christmas time once again, so I may as well review something in a festive vein. Every household has a particular Christmas film they watch, and in our family this was it- the quintessential feel-good festive film. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and even the most cynical  and jaded viewers will find it hard not to be moved by these fuzzy critters. The story unfolds almost exactly as the book and never looses its pace. Michael Cain's performance is pitched perfectly (stony and bitter enough to convince as a miserable and lonely old man, but still light-hearted enough for all the family), while the supporting cast of Muppets bring their usual charm and wit to bare on the  material- proving that despite the number of Christmas Carol retellings already out there, there is still some fresh fun to be had with some old familiar ghosts...

BATMAN, YEAR ONE; Carlisle's Final Word.

"Twelve years. And the ache is still fresh. Like a raw angry nerve. But this isn't about healing. I'm not looking for closure."

Batman.

Script Logic; 2/2

Pace; 2/2

 

Acting; 1/2

 

Asthetic; 1/2

 

Originality & Intention; 2/2

 

Final Score; 8/10

 

Final Word; A very (very) faithful adaption of the most influential Batman story ever told. Rather than talk at length of the story, which would almost serve as a review of the comic, I'll instead point out the aspects that relate entirely to the film.
While most of the acting is top-draw, like Bryan Cranston's gruff Jim Gordon, some of the voices feel a little 'made-for-television'. Brian McKenzie (of O.C fame) feels particularly misscast as the titular Dark Knight, although his softer portrayal was always going to suffer with Christian Bale's interpretation being so well established and fresh in the mind. The animation is mostly adequate, and despite some modern stylings the visuals pays tribute to the artwork of the source material. Unfortunately it is occasionally let down by moments of poor CGI, but still, none of this will spoil anybodies enjoyment of what is a superior Batman story- and there can be no disputing the level of influence this has had on Nolan's trilogy.

Watch it, and read the comic.

THE HOBBIT, AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY; Carlisle's Final Word.

“Far over the misty mountains cold / To dungeons deep and caverns old / The pines were roaring on the height / The winds were moaning in the night / The fire was red, it flaming spread / The trees like torches blazed with light...”

Thorin Oakenshield (singing)

 

 

Script Logic; 1/2

Pace; 1/2

Acting;  2/2

Aesthetic; 1/2

Originality & Intention; 1/2



Final Score; 6/10



So, I've decided this deserves a much longer review, but for now I'll settle with my usual length summary.


Final Word.; long story 'short', Jackson drops the ball. The film is overly long and strays uncomfortably between the darker tone of The Lord Of The Rings films and the more light-hearted source material. Without wishing to give away any spoilers, the polar points of this observation are 1; the brutal battle flashback between the Dwarves and the Orcs (where a significant character is decapitated, and his head tossed aside) and 2; the scene where the Dwarfs in Bilbo's home sing merrily while washing the dishes, resembling something straight from a Disney cartoon. 
The CGI, while good, is overused and barely better than what has already come before. A number of subplots (taken directly from other Tolkien material, but not the actual Hobbit novel) have been shoe-horned into the narrative to better tie it into the mythos of the previous films, but only serve to confuse the story and stretch the running time.
All in all, not a disaster, but unforgivably flawed. Would have been far better served as a single film, two at the most- but hey, its good fun while its playing, and worth catching in the cinema if only for the giddy thrill of revisiting Peter Jackson's Middle Earth.

More on this to come...

PARANORMAN; Carlisle's Final Word.

"Not believing in an afterlife is like not believing in astrology."

Sandra Babcock.

 

Script Logic; 1/2

Pace; 1/2

Acting; 1/2

Aesthetic; 2/2

Originality & Intention; 1/2

Final Score; 6/10



Final Word;
A mixed bag. The superior first half makes for an interesting setting and builds some nice (if cliche) characters, but the second half is sadly scattershot with the gags and muddled with its narrative. The animation is cute though, with plenty of nice touches throghout, and your kids will probably get a kick out of the more ghoulish bits. My biggest problem is the lightness of touch given to the underlying subject matter, and as such the climax of the film feels incredibly hollow. Problem is, it’s hard to explain more on that subject without giving too much away. I’ll refrain for now, but what I will asky you is this; 'is it morally ambiguous to cast child-killers in a sympathetic light?'
By no means is this Monster House or Coralline (both superior films, and perfect examples of what can be achieved in terms of depth and scares in children's films), but good enough for the undemanding, or children.

THE DARK KNIGHT; Carlisle's Final Word.

"Because some men aren't looking for anything logical, like money. They can't be bought, bullied, reasoned, or negotiated with. Some men just want to watch the world burn..."

Alfred Pennyworth.

Script Logic; 1/2

Pace; 1/2

Acting; 2/2

Aesthetic; 2/2

Originality & Intention; 2/2

Final Score; 8/10

Final Word: Yeah, it's brilliant. We all know that the late Heath Ledger excels as the wild-dog Joker, and is supported by a rock-solid cast including veteran 'thesps' Gary Goldman and Michael Cain, so let's quickly consider some the film in some other (less talked about) areas instead. 

Despite being a direct follow-up to Batman Begins, the comic-styled Gotham City from that film is given a very real-world facelift (being filmed on location in Chicago rather than on sound stages), and the gamble pays off, setting the scene for a truly gritty and tragic clash. Bravely, this isn't really a Batman film, in the traditional sense- more a story with a focus on a line-up rosta rather than any single character; the film is no more Bruce Wayne's than it is Harvey Dent's, Jim Gorden's or the Joker's. For this reason the film has been compared to such crime thrillers as Heat and The Godfather (where each character is guided by their own motivations and personal stories entwine), so if you can look past the cloaks and garish costumes, and consider this as a character piece rather than a superhero film, then the comparison more than holds up.

Sadly, the film is marred by a baggy mid-section and overly long running time. Worse yet, (spoiler ahead) Harvey Dent's transformation into a super-villain feels rushed and unconvincing, especially given the length of the movie and the realism it strives for. Still, that said, The Dark Knight is a high benchmark for what can be achieved with comic book adaptions, as well as films in general. An art-house blockbuster.

SHERLOCK HOLMES, A GAME OF SHADOWS; Carlisle's Final Word.

"The psychological analysis of handwriting. The upwards strokes on the P, the J, the M indicate a genius level intellect. The flourishes on the lower zone denote a highly creative yet meticulous nature. But if one observes the overall slant and pressure of the handwriting there is a suggestion of acute narcissism, a complete lack of empathy, and pronounced inclination toward moral insanity."

Sherlock Holmes.

Script Logic; 1/2

Pace; 1/2

Acting; 2/2

Aesthetic; 2/2

Originality & Intention; 1/2

Final Score; 7/10

Final Word;

Topping the success of its predecessor was always going to be a hard thing to do, and to expect as much is probably unfair. Needless to say the film falls short of the dizzy heights set by the original, but by no means does that make it a failure. Here Downey and Law do what they do best- bickering and fighting their way through ridiculousness and explosions as they attempt to foil the sinister Professor Moriaty. If you liked the first, then this is a very welcome second dose for more of the same. To address the film’s flaws, the second act felt overlong, the plot is overly convoluted, and the slow-motion is beyond excessive (especially concerning the woodland shoot-out). But, having said that, the film is saved by its central characters, and Jared Harris (son of the late and great Richard Harris) is particularly charismatic as the villain. So long as you keep your expectations realistic, this film is sure not to disappoint.

SHERLOCK HOLMES; Carlisle's Final Word.

"Head cocked to the left, partial deafness in ear: first point of attack. Two: throat; paralyze vocal chords, stop scream. Three: got to be a heavy drinker, floating rib to the liver. Four: finally, drag in left leg, fist to patella. Summary prognosis: unconscious in ninety seconds, martial efficacy quarter of an hour at best. Full faculty recovery: unlikely."

Sherlock Holmes.

 

 

Script Logic; 1/2

Pace; 2/2

Acting; 2/2

Aesthetic; 2/2

Originality & Intention; 2/2

Final Score; 9/10

 

Final Word;

Speaking as someone who can take-or-leave most of Guy Ritchie’s output, and is only lukewarm on Jude Law, this is adventure comedy at its very best. The chemistry between the aforementioned Law and Downey’s portrayal of the ‘great detective’ sparks with wise-cracking good humour and warmth, while the action and set pieces (while absurd) are all exciting stuff. The pace never lags, and good support is given by the beautiful Rachel McAdams and Mark Strong- on fine dastardly form as the Alistair Crowley-type mastermind behind a bizarre spree of killings. But beware, the Sherlock Holmes that your mother and father read this is not, so don’t expect any real attempt at sleuthing- in this, Ritchie’s adrenalin-fuelled reinvention, the puzzle solving is purely a means to take you from laugh to laugh and explosion to explosion. Accepted on its own good-spirited terms this is entertainment of the highest order.