300; Full-Tilt Review

"A thousand nations of the Persian empire will descend upon you. Our arrows will blot out the sun!"

Persian Commander 

"Then we will fight in the shade."

Stelios 

In Ancient Greece, as you well know, everybody worked out at the gym and soaked their biceps in oils.

Synopsis: 

The time is 480 BC, and the small city-state of Sparta comes under threat from the mighty Persian Empire. The ultimatum is simple, "join us or die", but despite overwhelming odds the Spartan King Leonidas will not submit. Instead, he leads 300 of his finest warriors to defend his homeland against the immeasurable invading hoard. 

Script: 1/2 - does the job.

 

Pace: 2/2 - never a dull moment.

 

Acting: 1/2 - better than what you'd expect in a film like this.

 

Aesthetic: 1/2 - stylish, but cheap-looking in places.

 

Intention: 2/2 - the slow-motion blood-and-sandal fantasy film to end them all!

Final Score: 7/10

Based (rather loosely) on a real historical battle, and adapted from the popular graphic novel 300 by Frank Miller.

Worth noting here, 300 is the polar opposite of the film Troy- and both would make for an interesting double feature- where as Troy took a war which may never have actually happened and treated it with as much realism as could be credible, 300 took a real conflict and treated it as though it were a myth. The results are rather intriguing. Another interesting aspect to consider (a concept subsequently lost in the awful sequel) is that of the 'unreliable narrator'; the film is structured in such a way that Dilios (spoiler: the soul surviving member of the the 300) is telling his story to inspire the warriors of Sparta in battle. Included in his tale are events and introspection that would not be known to him, such as the brave last stand, or exchanges between the King and his Queen. So, one might presume that the monstrousness of their enemies and the superhuman feats of his comrades have also been exaggerated? 

Either way, whether you agree with such hypothetical pondering or not, 300 is a still a very entertaining watch. The cast, including a pre-fame Michael Fassbender, Gerard Butler, Dominic West and Lena Headey, all bring a surprising amount of depth to bare on the material, considering how little time they have between the bloody battle scenes. 300's show-stopping slow-motion technique has been much overused in the years since it's release (including by the film's own director Zack Snyder, who has seemingly gone on to make this his raison d'etre), but here the technique is put to good effect, perhaps a shrewd move or by happy accident; the violence almost coming to a complete stop mid-action feels like a comic book panel made real. 

Many critics got a bit 'sniffy' with 300 on it's release. Most of them gave luke-warm reviews, praising the style but putting the boot into the content, but a few critics of the bleeding-heart variety roasted the film over it's (apparently) "disgusting political content" (homosexuals are evil, the disabled are treacherous, foreigners are tyrants, Caucasians are good, etc). I personally feel they were reading way too much into it; at the end of the day 300 is a comic book adaption, a superhero film. It's probably not meant as a reflection on real-world issues: this is half naked men with swords fighting monsters. I'd be worried if you felt like living your life by this scenario...

LABYRINTH; Full-Tilt Review

"So, the Labyrinth is a piece of cake, is it? Well, let's see how you deal with this little slice.."

Jareth 

Dance, magic dance.

Synopsis: 

Spoiled 15 year-old Sarah accidentally causes the abduction of your infant brother Toby by invoking the presence of the Goblin King. Wracked with regret, she leaves the real-world behind and descends into a magical kingdom, where she has only 13 hours to save Toby, before he becomes a goblin forever more.

Script: 2/2

Pace: 2/2

Acting: 2/2

Aesthetic: 2/2

Intention: 2/2

Final Word: 10/10

Labrynth represents a follow-up project to the puppet-based film The Dark Crystal, with director Jim  Henson and conceptual artist Brian Froud reuniting to deliver a much lighter movie this time around (the former was quite a bleak little film). Labrynth was written, among others, by Monty Python's Flying Circus' very own Terry Jones, which goes a long way to explain much of the film's absurdist humor- played out brilliantly here by Henson's anarchic and rag-tag collection of puppets.

Sadly, I've turned to this in light of the news that David Bowie has left these dull lands for someplace a little more exciting. Here, the Thin White Duke plays the part of Jareth, the Goblin King-  a character pitched somewhere between lounging aristocrat and apathetic rock-star. It's impossible imagining anyone else in this part, and I wouldn't be entirely surprised if the role was either written specifically for him, or rewritten after his casting. It's a presence and a persona he seems to slip effortlessly into, and even though he's clearly the villain of the piece, it's difficult not to be won-over by his disarming charm (despite a rather creepy scene where he essentuially begs a 15 year old girl to be his lover- best not dwell on that particular aspect*). This is easily one of the singer's most fondly remembered movie roles, of which he had too few, but it looks like he had a real blast doing it, especially while he's lording over the goblins...
Despite hanging around Bowie's performance, the film still delivers in all other aspects. Sarah is played by Jennifer Connerlly, who would go on to find fame and critical acclaim as a curvaceous adult. Here, Connerlly adds humanity and humidity throughout to a character that is first introduced as petulant and selfish, taking the stale character arc of 'girl to womanhood' and enthusing it with a touching sincerity. Along Sarah's journey she encounters a host of comical scenarios and bizarre creatures (which serve to both help and hinder in equal measure), as designed by Froud and bought to vivid life by the geniuses at the Henson Workshop.

All in all, Labrynth is a fun and beautiful family fantasy, and Bowie provides one Hell of a catchy soundtrack. Once watched, never forgotten.

* spoiler; it's all OK, the whole thing only happens in Sarah's imagination...That's better, right?

RIP David Bowie.

"WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT! WE'LL USE THE FORCE!"

Finn.

"That's not how the Force works..."

Han Solo.

Glad he cleared that up for us...

This is the place where I discuss The Force Awakens in all my SPOILER GLORY!

So, be warned.

Alright. Still with me? Here we go...

1. Rather an epic fail, Disney accidentally included reference to Rey's parentage in the Disney Infinity game tie-in. As Rey and Kylo Ren battle, Ren can be heard calling out "face me cousin!" While it's possible that Disney Infinity made a mistake, it does seem unlikely. Also, recall the scene were Ren is reading her mind? He alludes to a green island surrounded by water... And where do we find Luke? On a green island surrounded by water. She's already been there it would seem.

2. At least this should put to bed some bizarre claim that Ben Kenobi is Rey's father! What the fuck is wrong with people's maths these days? Rey is, what, early twenties? Ben died almost 40 years ago, assuming he was a randy old devil in his final days we're still 20 years out. I pointed this out to someone and all I got was a baffled "huh?" Grand daughter? Possibly, but seems very unlikely.

3.  So, Kylo Ren is Han and Leia's son- a failed apprentice of Luke who turned bad. This is possibly my favorite thing in Force Awakens, it plays against expectations and adds a very interesting dynamic, as well as providing us with one very messed up antagonist. I say antagonist rather than villain as he may yet prove to have some good left in him, but who knows?

4. On a related note... Luke presumably is training Ren and comes to the realisation that "oh shit, he's gone south on me". What does Luke do- our hero through 3 films and counting? He seemingly raises his hands, exclaims "fuck it, I'm done" and skips to another planet to live in hiding. What? Seriously, there better be a damn good explanation to this! And, despite the fact he's gone into hiding, he leaves clues behind so that, I'm assuming, people can go get him if all Hell breaks loose? How about you just stick around and put right this disaster- it is sort of your fault!

5. And talk about undermining your own story; all along, the largest part of the map for finding Luke was right in the Rebellion's base- stored away in R2D2. Little bastard might have said something about it sooner. All that time fighting over BB8, and he only had a small and unidentifiable portion of the map. If R2D2 had mentioned what he had sooner, the rebellion may have been able to seach the missing section and find Luke sans all the chasing and explosions (seeing how space travel and scanning planets is done with relative ease in these films). But it baffles me why the writers even did this- the film would have worked much stronger if BB8 had simply had the complete map all along... Why? tell me- why???

6. Harrison Ford won't be in the next film it would appear... Actually, he didn't want to be in Return of the Jedi, the idea for Han was never to be seen again after Empire Strikes Back- a martyr for the rebel cause. I guess money talks. Having said that, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that Han Solo's death was a condition of Ford's contract. I figured someone important would perish during Force Awakens, but honestly I didn't see it would be Solo- at least till the point where Leia asks him to bring back their boy. From that point it all looked pretty inevitable...

7. Man, talk about heart ache. Learning that the corruption of their son led to the breakup of Han Solo and Leia was truly gutting! When the credits roll, people naturally assume "happy ever after" comes into effect, so to find this out was like hearing terrible news from an old friend. And worse yet- Leia's faith that her son can be healed, despite Han's reservations, leads to his untimely death! It speaks of Han's love for this woman that, despite his survivors instincts telling him differently, he confronts Kylo Ren anyway (or Ben as we discover he was once called). As if having a child turn bad isn't rough enough. Seriously tragic. Poor Leia.

8. I didn't much like the CGI Pacman-alien things. Thought that was the weakest bit of the film. And all that complication with the double-cross and the jarringly Irish villain (Irish, in space?)- not only was it unnecessary to the plot, it's all pointless now seeing how Han Solo is dead! And why is it that these alien things eat the villains instantly, yet drag Finn around about 2 miles of corridor instead?

9. And on the subject of bad CGI...  Supreme Leader Snoke is pretty much Emperor Mark-2. Or perhaps, shock/horror, he's the original Emperor? It would be somewhat fitting that we keep with the same villain- he's been in all 6 of the previous films after all. He looks suitably ravaged and old, and has a penchant for dark capes and Gothic architecture. Is it only also a coincidence that we are introduced to Snoke via hologram, as when we first encountered the Emperor in Empire Strikes Back? What I will say is this- for a mostly human-looking character, the mind boggles why they used CGI. Surely a little prosthetic work would have been cheaper- and more convincing? I've read some fan theories that Snoke is actually Darth Vader- do these people actually watch the films? Vader is dead; not only did we see this, but Luke later set his corpse on fire and saw his now rested ghost. Dead, dead, dead. And, good now. Duh!

10. While we're discussing villains- It's already been said, but Captain Phasma was something of a non-event. Shame, from her introduction she seemed like a potentially interesting villain. If she survived her fall into the garbage compactor (nice call-back), and the subsequent PLANET EXPLOSION, it'd be good to see more of her. Otherwise, what a waste.

11. On the Stormtrooper topic, really liked the idea of Finn, and it was nice to learn how these goons are seemingly brainwashed from childhood. Reminded me of the Nazi youth camps, same principle. And the Stormtroopers had a little more character this time around, from Finn himself, to shirkers and (wisely) the two who turn and walk away while Ren is throwing a shit-fit! Probably te funniest moment.

12. Also, did you spot the cameo? I had this spoiled for me unfortunately, but you know the Stormtrooper who eventually releases Rey and drops his gun as he walks away? That's Daniel Craig! Yep, James fucking Bond! If you listen to the voice and pay attention to the swagger you can really tell. Craig never struck me as someone who would take a role like that, so kudos. Not sure why it exists, but it's funny- maybe that's reason enough?

13. There's a lot of flack out there for Domhnall Gleeson at te moment, wit is portrayl of General Hux. People think he was both miscast and appallingly overacting. Really? Overacting, in a Star Wars film? I thought he was suitably arch and boo-worthy. He's got a believable English accent, and when he's venting bile the spittle really flows, so he's perfectly qualified as far as I'm concerned.

14. I've already mentioned during my review that Rey is potentially too powerful. I mean, during the climax of the film, as if she wasn't handy enough, she picks up that light saber for the first time and beats Kylo Ren- himself an apprentice in the Force. While he may have been injured and shaken from Solo's death, and while we may not fully know the length of his training, he shouldn't have been so readily defeated. I mean, after this, where else is there for Rey to go, narratively? She's already beaten the main antagonist- Luke didn't manage that till the third film. It seems as though they've peaked the confrontation too early? If I could change it, I'd have had the chasm opening up before a clear win, or saving a defeated Rey rather than Ren from a killing blow. Oh well, we'll just have to see where things go from here...

15. Likewise- the Star Killer; it's hard to see how this can be topped, so far as a threat is concerned. I wasn't against the Star Killer like some viewers (who just felt "oh, another Death Star, how original?"), but its presence here is wasted. It was such a big and dangerous toy, and visually spectacular, yet in the plot it had relatively little significance. I'd have probably built up to it over the course of the new films and saved the inevitable assault against it for the final installment's climax. I mean, the attack on the Star Killer in Force Awakens didn't actually have ANY connection to the story (till it suddenly pops up towards the end of Act 2), it simply served as somewhere for all the characters to meet and have their confrontations- they'd have been just as dramatic elsewhere. Wit so much already at stake during the climax, the Star Killer may as well not even existed... And imagine the build up you can give a weapon like tat over the course of 3 films- that's one Hell of a reveal!

16. ...Which brings me to my last point, and onto J.J Abrams' involvement. Yes, he's given us, on the whole, a really enjoyable film, but what now? I feel like we hit all the high notes too soon. Solo's dead (only Luke's death now would have as much impact), the Star Killer is blown up, Rey has already bested Ren and is now a very accomplished Jedi, all this before she's even had an hour of training. J.J is the man behind LOST, which infamously promised more than it could ever deliver (because he made it up as he went along, without a clear end-game), and then rebooted Star Trek- a film with some plot-holes so enormous it begs belief that nobody noticed (like "if the villain can travel through time, why not just warn Spock his mining would destroy a whole planet? He's a smart guy, he'd listen"). Let's hope Disney already have a clear direction with these films- that there's a definitive and satisfying answer to all these little nags. Let's hope this isn't LOST all over again...

STAR WARS, THE FORCE AWAKENS; Carlisle's Final Word

"Hope is not lost today... It is found."

Leia.

 A Force to be reckoned with...

A brief editorial note- I'm trying to keep this spoiler-free... It wasn't easy.

SYNOPSIS:

So, here we are; J.J. Abram (now something of a go-to guy for reboots after his success with Star Trek) helms Disney's latest blockbuster franchise- the first of many sequels to be set in the Star Wars universe.

30 years after the events of Return of the Jedi, Force Awakens finds the galaxy under threat from a new enemy- the First Order, led by the sinister (and self aggrandisingly titled) Supreme Leader Snoke. Also counted among their number is the darkness-tainted Kylo Ren, a Jedi apprentice turned bad. Elsewhere, Rey, a scavenger on a far-flung desert planet, comes into possession of a droid which the whole of the First Order will stop at nothing to possess. Forced to unite with Finn, a runaway Stormtrooper suffering a crisis of conscience, as well as some recognisable faces from the old Rebellion, Rey not only becomes embroiled in this latest galactic war, but also sheds some light on her own mysterious past...

SCRIPT: 1/ 2
Back in 1999, Star Wars fans could hardly contain their excitement leading up to the release of The Phantom Menace, George Lucas' long awaited follow-up to his original trilogy. To say that the Phantom Menace was something of a disappointment falls a long way short of the mark, and the following two films did little to remedy that bitter sting...

OK, to be honest, the script for Force Awakens isn't without issues, but it's hard to discuss what these are without giving away some massive spoilers. I'll likely get round to discussing these another time, but for now I'll err on the side of discretion...

What I can say is, Force Awakens borrows lovingly from the original trilogy, in a way that feels more reverential than lazy- although the R2D2 related 'revelation' after the climax was both clumsy and irritating, undermining much of the film's central conceit. However, despite this 'Deus ex machina' moment (and a few other minor concerns), screenwriter Lawrence Kasdan, whose previous credits include Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, plays something of a blinder! In no small way the film owes it's success to him. Kasden's story is reverent, touching, at times tragic, and perhaps most surprisingly of all, very funny- the humour flowing naturally from the characters and situations while never seeming forced or campy.

Possibly the biggest 'fair' criticism to throw at Force Awakens (seeing how other plot related issues may be covered in the fullness of time) revolves around it's heroine, but we'll come to that a little later. I should cover it here, seeing as it's a writing-related issue, but it makes more sense later...

PACE: 1 / 2

At just over 2 hours, Force Awakens felt like it would benefit from a little trimming. Although, to be fair, each installment of the original trilogy was likewise over the 2 hour mark, and when you compare Force Awakens to The Phantom Menace (which again has a similar run time), this feels one Hell of a lot less bloated. Perhaps in light of that, the issue isn't so much length than pace? One sequence in particular, concerning rampaging monsters and a completely unnecessary Han Solo back-story, was completely unneeded. Entertaining enough, but felt like padding in relation to the main plot. There was also a lull during the 'smuggler's keep' portion of the story, and personally I'd have finished the film maybe 4 minutes sooner...
OK, I don't think I'm giving too much away now by saying the film ends with the heroine coming face-to-face with Luke. No dialogue, just a dramatic and meaningful stand-off. It's this section I'd personally have held back till the next film, but I do understand the reasoning behind it's inclusion her. I think a great many fans would simply have imploded without a glimpse of the character. I just felt as though it was an odd note to end the film on, considering how snappy the original trilogy handled their closing moments. Still, not a major gripe.

ACTING: 2 / 2

I cannot stress enough, as a long-time Star Wars fan, what a giddy thrill it is to see some of the older actors and actresses reprising their roles. The inclusion of such beloved characters, like Han Solo, Chewie and Leia, go a long way to keeping this new effort feeling much more like a traditional Star Wars film. Harrison Ford looks as though he's having the most fun he's had in years, and effortlessly steals every one of his scenes with that devil-may-care charm the fans have come to love. His scenes with Carrie Fisher (playing Leia, his on-screen old-flame), while brief and are intensely emotional- it was raw and very moving to see them embrace once more...

So, it's all very well that the old-hands get their moment to shine, and shine they do, but what of these new-bloods? Despite an array of familiar faces, the real stars of the show are Daisy Ridley, John Boyega and Adam Driver- who in turn play the films heroes Rey and Finn, and it's answer to Darth Vader, Kylo Renn. Can they hold a torch to the original stars? Oh yes. Daisy makes a very plucky lead in what can only be described as the post Twilight / Hunger Games revolution, and at no point is she ever not at the real cut-and-thrust of the adventure. Even after being captured, Rey is no damsel in distress, and is soon going about the business of hatching her own escape... And here's my concern from earlier;

If there's an issue to be had with Rey, it's that she's probably too capable. When we meet her, she already speaks fluent droid, she's a tough athletic explorer, a gifted mechanic and electrician, a hot-shot flyer and a kick-ass fighter. During the film's climax she sees to her own escape, perfects some advanced Jedi mind tricks without any guidance, and comes off on top during her first light saber battle with an accomplished enemy. With a repertoire like that, her growth surely can't be as dramatic as the naïve young farm hand who dreamed of joining the rebellion all those years ago? While it may not be beyond the realms of possibility that Rey would have all these skills, it does feel like bad writing- heroes need to develop. Potentially, yes, she could be due something of a hard fall in the next film, but still- Luke only survived his first adventure because of all the help he had along the way; a magical teacher, a gruff gunslinger, a giant alien-bear. Before he meets these allies he gets his ass kicked by some sand mutants, and he would have been murdered in the bar room if not for a swift intervention. Hell, Luke only manages to defeat the Death Star because he gets some ghostly advice and a friend blows Darth Vader out of the sky. In comparison, Rey never actually needed anybody's help with anything- is this a symptomatic flaw of Hunger Games fallout? The 'politically correct' brigade gone mad? Possibly, but whatever the reason for it, she's still an overpowered character...

But, as capable and commanding a presence as Ridley is, it's Boyega of the two that most charms the screen. His turn as the rouge Stormtrooper is one of the film's real strengths, and he makes the most of a part that allows him, by turns, to act humorously naïve, impishly excitable and genuinely soulful.
And as for Adam Driver? Rest assured, these new films have a very charismatic and delightfully complex antagonist in Kylo Ren, and I have no doubt he will go down in Star Wars history as THE definitive Dark Side Jedi. He may not have Vader's bulk or icy composure (why try to even compete with that?) but what he does have is a hair-trigger temper and enough issues to make him one very messed up kid. He's the galaxy's answer to We Need to Talk About Kevin; a pompous, delusional, petulant outcast with dangerous powers beyond his understanding, and that's a combination a hundred times more frightening than any Vader or Darth Maul- a lethal cocktail that speaks of our own generation of toxic brats. Like so many internet "trolls" who hide behind their screens to feel omnipotent, Kylo Ren retreats behind a mask to hide his own insecurities- and everything in Driver's astute use of body language in-and-out of said mask confirms this. It's creepy because it feels real, not simply the fantasy bogeyman role that Darth Vader once occupied.

AESTHETIC: 2 / 2

And we finally come down to it. Forgetting for a moment the acting, the old cast members, the plot points, the gags- what really solidifies this film as being a part of the Star Wars universe is it's visual and audio DNA. It LOOKS like Star Wars.  It SOUNDS like Star Wars. Because of that, it FEELS like Star Wars! Stormtropers attack, X-Wings soar, the Millennium Falcon dives, Blaster rifles fire, Light Sabres bristle with power as they clash- it's all instantly familiar.
Aside from being poorly written and poorly directed, the prequel films didn't look or feel much like Star Wars- they were cartoonish and CGI laden (about the only thing they had going for them was a decent score). Force Awakens cannot be accused of making that same mistake, and it has a real scene of old-fashioned physicality to it- what CGI it does utilise, for the most part, it does so sparingly.

INTENTION: 2 / 2

So, aside from the mass media frenzy and excitement surrounding the release of Force Awakens, the older and more cynical fans (that is to say, those old enough to remember how crushed they felt after the prequels) could be forgiven for a slight apprehension... So it's with a sense of overwhelming relief I can truthfully say "put those fears to bed". Force Awakens is EXACTLY the film YOU want it to be! A film for fans, by fans. It's clear from the outset the referential love these film-makers have for the original trilogy. George Lucas, I suspect, must have been secretly hoping for a flop (since Disney essentially paid him to keep away), so it's no great surprise he's been quite outspoken recently. Lucas didn't much like Force Awakens, labeling it a "retro film" (I'm not even sure if that's actually a criticism?) but if anything, that can only mean Disney are getting something right. Sour grapes, Mr. Lucas?

A further criticism leveled at Force Awakens in respect of it's attempts to restore what has gone before is “it's much too similar to A New Hope”, and to be fair it's easy to see why people feel that way; it does share a great many plot points with the first film, but (to my mind at least) it felt less of an exercise in recycling old ideas and more like a return to the familiar Star Wars films of old, and I can't blame the film-makers in this instance for playing things safe- there's plenty of time for originality in what's still left to come.

FINAL WORD: 8 / 10

Force awakens is a roller-coaster film in every sense- it's exciting, it's fun, it's scary, it's dramatic. It's also got space ships, shoot-outs, weird and wonderful aliens, a multitude of planets, villains with English accents, explosions, light-sabre fights, and more! Everything you'd want in a "true" Star Wars film.

Aside from making money (which it has, and by the bucket load), Force Awakens felt like a sincere effort to put the Star Wars franchise back on the right track, and it absolutely has. JJ, whatever my reservations concerning him have been in the past, has breathed fresh vitality into this series (no small feat after the prequels) and set the mark pretty high for the inevitable follow-ups.

I suppose the highest compliment I can pay the film is this: watching it I felt like a young kid again, and surely that's what Star Wars is all about?

Final, Final Word; I had the good fortune to see this film with not only two very good friends, both of whom are also Star-Wars fans like myself (and were just as relieved with the new film as I was), but also with my good lady. She's not particularly 'into' films, hadn't ever seen a Star Wars movie before this point, and didn't particularly have any inclination to- she came along mostly just to meet my friends and have a night out... Well, if anyone out there's thinking "do I need to be a fan for Force Awakens to make any sense" or "I don't really like fantasy and science fiction", then worry not. My lovely lady thought the film was amazing, and she found the story easy enough to follow without any prior knowledge. Oh, and she laughed a LOT (see, told you it was funny). 
So, there you have it, fan or not, Force Awakens is a hugely enjoyable experience.