"WE'LL FIGURE IT OUT! WE'LL USE THE FORCE!"

Finn.

"That's not how the Force works..."

Han Solo.

Glad he cleared that up for us...

This is the place where I discuss The Force Awakens in all my SPOILER GLORY!

So, be warned.

Alright. Still with me? Here we go...

1. Rather an epic fail, Disney accidentally included reference to Rey's parentage in the Disney Infinity game tie-in. As Rey and Kylo Ren battle, Ren can be heard calling out "face me cousin!" While it's possible that Disney Infinity made a mistake, it does seem unlikely. Also, recall the scene were Ren is reading her mind? He alludes to a green island surrounded by water... And where do we find Luke? On a green island surrounded by water. She's already been there it would seem.

2. At least this should put to bed some bizarre claim that Ben Kenobi is Rey's father! What the fuck is wrong with people's maths these days? Rey is, what, early twenties? Ben died almost 40 years ago, assuming he was a randy old devil in his final days we're still 20 years out. I pointed this out to someone and all I got was a baffled "huh?" Grand daughter? Possibly, but seems very unlikely.

3.  So, Kylo Ren is Han and Leia's son- a failed apprentice of Luke who turned bad. This is possibly my favorite thing in Force Awakens, it plays against expectations and adds a very interesting dynamic, as well as providing us with one very messed up antagonist. I say antagonist rather than villain as he may yet prove to have some good left in him, but who knows?

4. On a related note... Luke presumably is training Ren and comes to the realisation that "oh shit, he's gone south on me". What does Luke do- our hero through 3 films and counting? He seemingly raises his hands, exclaims "fuck it, I'm done" and skips to another planet to live in hiding. What? Seriously, there better be a damn good explanation to this! And, despite the fact he's gone into hiding, he leaves clues behind so that, I'm assuming, people can go get him if all Hell breaks loose? How about you just stick around and put right this disaster- it is sort of your fault!

5. And talk about undermining your own story; all along, the largest part of the map for finding Luke was right in the Rebellion's base- stored away in R2D2. Little bastard might have said something about it sooner. All that time fighting over BB8, and he only had a small and unidentifiable portion of the map. If R2D2 had mentioned what he had sooner, the rebellion may have been able to seach the missing section and find Luke sans all the chasing and explosions (seeing how space travel and scanning planets is done with relative ease in these films). But it baffles me why the writers even did this- the film would have worked much stronger if BB8 had simply had the complete map all along... Why? tell me- why???

6. Harrison Ford won't be in the next film it would appear... Actually, he didn't want to be in Return of the Jedi, the idea for Han was never to be seen again after Empire Strikes Back- a martyr for the rebel cause. I guess money talks. Having said that, I wouldn't be surprised to learn that Han Solo's death was a condition of Ford's contract. I figured someone important would perish during Force Awakens, but honestly I didn't see it would be Solo- at least till the point where Leia asks him to bring back their boy. From that point it all looked pretty inevitable...

7. Man, talk about heart ache. Learning that the corruption of their son led to the breakup of Han Solo and Leia was truly gutting! When the credits roll, people naturally assume "happy ever after" comes into effect, so to find this out was like hearing terrible news from an old friend. And worse yet- Leia's faith that her son can be healed, despite Han's reservations, leads to his untimely death! It speaks of Han's love for this woman that, despite his survivors instincts telling him differently, he confronts Kylo Ren anyway (or Ben as we discover he was once called). As if having a child turn bad isn't rough enough. Seriously tragic. Poor Leia.

8. I didn't much like the CGI Pacman-alien things. Thought that was the weakest bit of the film. And all that complication with the double-cross and the jarringly Irish villain (Irish, in space?)- not only was it unnecessary to the plot, it's all pointless now seeing how Han Solo is dead! And why is it that these alien things eat the villains instantly, yet drag Finn around about 2 miles of corridor instead?

9. And on the subject of bad CGI...  Supreme Leader Snoke is pretty much Emperor Mark-2. Or perhaps, shock/horror, he's the original Emperor? It would be somewhat fitting that we keep with the same villain- he's been in all 6 of the previous films after all. He looks suitably ravaged and old, and has a penchant for dark capes and Gothic architecture. Is it only also a coincidence that we are introduced to Snoke via hologram, as when we first encountered the Emperor in Empire Strikes Back? What I will say is this- for a mostly human-looking character, the mind boggles why they used CGI. Surely a little prosthetic work would have been cheaper- and more convincing? I've read some fan theories that Snoke is actually Darth Vader- do these people actually watch the films? Vader is dead; not only did we see this, but Luke later set his corpse on fire and saw his now rested ghost. Dead, dead, dead. And, good now. Duh!

10. While we're discussing villains- It's already been said, but Captain Phasma was something of a non-event. Shame, from her introduction she seemed like a potentially interesting villain. If she survived her fall into the garbage compactor (nice call-back), and the subsequent PLANET EXPLOSION, it'd be good to see more of her. Otherwise, what a waste.

11. On the Stormtrooper topic, really liked the idea of Finn, and it was nice to learn how these goons are seemingly brainwashed from childhood. Reminded me of the Nazi youth camps, same principle. And the Stormtroopers had a little more character this time around, from Finn himself, to shirkers and (wisely) the two who turn and walk away while Ren is throwing a shit-fit! Probably te funniest moment.

12. Also, did you spot the cameo? I had this spoiled for me unfortunately, but you know the Stormtrooper who eventually releases Rey and drops his gun as he walks away? That's Daniel Craig! Yep, James fucking Bond! If you listen to the voice and pay attention to the swagger you can really tell. Craig never struck me as someone who would take a role like that, so kudos. Not sure why it exists, but it's funny- maybe that's reason enough?

13. There's a lot of flack out there for Domhnall Gleeson at te moment, wit is portrayl of General Hux. People think he was both miscast and appallingly overacting. Really? Overacting, in a Star Wars film? I thought he was suitably arch and boo-worthy. He's got a believable English accent, and when he's venting bile the spittle really flows, so he's perfectly qualified as far as I'm concerned.

14. I've already mentioned during my review that Rey is potentially too powerful. I mean, during the climax of the film, as if she wasn't handy enough, she picks up that light saber for the first time and beats Kylo Ren- himself an apprentice in the Force. While he may have been injured and shaken from Solo's death, and while we may not fully know the length of his training, he shouldn't have been so readily defeated. I mean, after this, where else is there for Rey to go, narratively? She's already beaten the main antagonist- Luke didn't manage that till the third film. It seems as though they've peaked the confrontation too early? If I could change it, I'd have had the chasm opening up before a clear win, or saving a defeated Rey rather than Ren from a killing blow. Oh well, we'll just have to see where things go from here...

15. Likewise- the Star Killer; it's hard to see how this can be topped, so far as a threat is concerned. I wasn't against the Star Killer like some viewers (who just felt "oh, another Death Star, how original?"), but its presence here is wasted. It was such a big and dangerous toy, and visually spectacular, yet in the plot it had relatively little significance. I'd have probably built up to it over the course of the new films and saved the inevitable assault against it for the final installment's climax. I mean, the attack on the Star Killer in Force Awakens didn't actually have ANY connection to the story (till it suddenly pops up towards the end of Act 2), it simply served as somewhere for all the characters to meet and have their confrontations- they'd have been just as dramatic elsewhere. Wit so much already at stake during the climax, the Star Killer may as well not even existed... And imagine the build up you can give a weapon like tat over the course of 3 films- that's one Hell of a reveal!

16. ...Which brings me to my last point, and onto J.J Abrams' involvement. Yes, he's given us, on the whole, a really enjoyable film, but what now? I feel like we hit all the high notes too soon. Solo's dead (only Luke's death now would have as much impact), the Star Killer is blown up, Rey has already bested Ren and is now a very accomplished Jedi, all this before she's even had an hour of training. J.J is the man behind LOST, which infamously promised more than it could ever deliver (because he made it up as he went along, without a clear end-game), and then rebooted Star Trek- a film with some plot-holes so enormous it begs belief that nobody noticed (like "if the villain can travel through time, why not just warn Spock his mining would destroy a whole planet? He's a smart guy, he'd listen"). Let's hope Disney already have a clear direction with these films- that there's a definitive and satisfying answer to all these little nags. Let's hope this isn't LOST all over again...