Strip Club DJ (Deadpool)
Has to be said, I lead a fairly busy life. When I'm not
actually AT work I feel like I'm simply commuting between home and the office. It's a long old bus ride, believe me. And when I'm not
having 'fun' pressed against strangers on the bus (in a sardine
fashion, not a chikan type thing) I'm spending time with my family.
It doesn't leave a whole lot of 'me' time. As a result, I rarelyt get
to watch many new films. I can't complain though, I'm a lucky man and I wouldn't change a thing, save for maybe the length of my
commute, but c'est la vie.
I'd been meaning to watch Deadpool for
a number of months, before an exasperated friend lent it to me on a
firestick. Now, to those who don't know me better, I don't have much
tech in my life; the TV couldn't support the firestick, and neither
would my portable DVD player. The only way I was going to see that
film play was on my laptop. So, after having the firestick sitting on
my writing table for about 5 weeks, I finally decided I better watch
it. Now, my better-half may be many things, but tolerant of action
films? No, least of all action films of the superhero variety: In short,
Deadpool was unlikely to be a film we watched together. My son is
only 4, which ruled him out (although I confess I did consider
it). So, when was I meant to actually sit and watch this bloody film? I
considered my options and hit upon what, at the time, felt like a
clever use of my time...
I took my laptop with me to work,
booted it up on the bus and plugged in my headphones, and I watched
Deadpool...
 |
| A deceptively innocent smile, believe me... |
So I was aware of the violence and the
profanity, but people (you all know who you are) neglected to mention
the rather explicit sex scenes in Act 1. There I was, shoulder to
shoulder with a bunch of school and college kids, desperately trying
to tilt my (hugely bulky) laptop away from anyone who might see it,
desperately trying to skip forward to another scene, all while making
damn sure people could see both my hands. Needless to say, it was
pretty embarrassing...
Did I learn from my mistakes? Clearly I
didn't because I watched the second half on the bus ride home. And
low-and-behold, a strip club scene! And again, I twisted and
sweated while trying to move the laptop from sight, and just when I
thought I'd managed to do just that, I realised the reflection of the
laptop screen was enlarged onto the darkness of the window over my
shoulder; projected to more than double size, my very
own little cinema of perversity. So there I was, for all the world
looking like the village pervert on a packed bus. And I'd like to
think of these people as strangers, and they sort of are, but I still
see these fucking people 5 days a week!
Learn from my example, it's too late for me but save yourselves: be careful what
you watch in public. Expect to see my face in the newspaper any day
now.
“Look away! LOOK AWAY CHILD!”
Wade Wilson (Deadpool)
On a different note, one slight and
final criticism of the film; I don't think Wade was disfigured enough by his torture-
considering as Deadpool Wade is intended to be so disgusting to
behold (and as such this is often the subject of some of the jokes)
yet he STILL looks like friggin' Ryan Reynolds. I know it can't be
down to the 15 certificate, because The Dark Knight's Harvey Dent was
far more disfigured, and that's a 12a. But considering one of the
major plot points is concerning how ugly Wade is supposed to be, to
the extent he feels like he can't even approach his love interest,
these scenes never convince; the startled crowds and the cruel jibes
ring hollow. The most honest response comes after the films climax
where Vanessa finally sees his face and decides it will simply take
“an adjustment period”. I had worse acne in high school, and far less sex.
