*Dutch. Predator (1987).
I present to you: the definitive, indispensable, all-singing, all-dancing Arnold Schwarzenegger star-vehicle script-generator!
Just read each caption and choose one of the following five answers, and hey-hey! An instant plot!
Your name is;
Douglass Dutch
Harry Quaid
Conan Matrix
Ivan Freeze
Mr Universe
Unfortunately, something’s wrong;
An evil warlord has massacred your village
A killer robot has come from the future
You’re the newest contestant in a dangerous game-show
You’re mind has been erased
You need to run for governor of California
And to make matters worse;
You’re pregnant
You have to moonlight as a kindergarten teacher
You have to buy your child’s favorite toy
You’re wife has discovered you’re a spy
Women are filing sexual harassment claims against you
During the film, you must also go head-to-head against;
An invisible alien
The Devil
Your clone
Michael Ironside
The Democrats
With the aid of;
Your unlikely twin
A magic cinema ticket
A horse
A machine gun with never-ending ammunition
Your fan base
And your;
Freeze gun
Unshakable faith in Krom
Ridiculously curly wig
Exploding woman-head disguise
Aggressive election campaign
You’re able to;
Alter the course of the future
Get to the chopper
Eat green berets for breakfast
Retrieve the nuclear warheads
Become Governor
Also, for the whole story, you;
Keep showing off your naked butt
Look to old to still be doing action films
Make yourself look younger with CGI
Deliver corny jokes
Regret ever sleeping with your maid
